This blog post is about how to punish a boyfriend for an infraction I had forgiven him for before (a drunken text sent to someone else).
It’s about how punishing him made me feel empowered and strong instead of powerless and hurt. It’s about owning myself and my feelings.
If you have been following this blog, you know I’ve talked about punishing my partner before—both doing so when he did something wrong and when he did something right.
I’ve said that I feel that punishing him is just one of the many tools in my discipline toolbox, but sometimes it’s just a really great tool when used correctly.
Do Couples Punish Each Other?
Yes. Yes, they do.
At the core, couples punish each other for the same reasons that everyone punishes those they love. It’s a natural, unconscious reaction when we feel upset or unsatisfied by another person’s actions and wants to bring ourselves back into alignment with what we believe is expected from them.
It’s our way of restoring order so that we can continue with our relationship as before—because we love each other.
How To Punish A Boyfriend?
It’s an act of love. It means that you care so much about what he’s doing to you that you’re going to turn his negative behavior around him somehow using the power and influence you have over him.
As an act of love, it should be done in a way that does not further injure or hurt the one being punished. I would never punish my husband and make him suffer any more than he already has (that is a form of self-sabotage).
I am not here to convince anyone how to punish their loved ones, just offer my perspective as a woman who has endured many punishments myself from both parents and from my ex-boyfriend.
I’ve written before about how I used to punish my ex in retaliation for things he had done that hurt me. However, I noticed a pattern, and this blog post is about how to better discipline a boyfriend.
Best 20 Tips To Discipline Your Boyfriend:
1. Set Your Intention
I’m sharing this story to show how punishing your loved one does not have to come from a place of resentment or fear but rather from a place of strength and empowerment.
You don’t have to let your loved ones take advantage of you because you are bigger than that. If those you love to disappoint you, it’s okay to punish them in a way that makes you feel better without further hurting them.
So ask yourself what it is that you want out of punishing your boyfriend for doing something wrong. Be clear about that, so you do not fall into the trap of punishing in retaliation for doing things that don’t matter to you.
As an act of love and empowerment, it’s important to set an intention to punish him for making him suffer so that you feel empowered and strong instead of helpless and hurt. And remember—punishment should always be done in such a way that it doesn’t really damage or hurt your loved one.
2. Don’t Allow The Cat And Mouse Game To Keep Spinning
It’s important to stop the cat and mouse game where your relationship with your boyfriend is concerned where negative behavior, or lack thereof on his part, is concerned.
Although the cat and mouse game may at times feel like one of the most important things in your relationship, it’s not. It only serves to serve as a distraction from what really matters—having an intimate relationship with someone you love.
We often punish our loved ones because they have done something that they did not deserve to be punished for (voluntarily or otherwise).
But if you find yourself punishing them on a regular basis, then it’s possible that you don’t really love them very much. Do you want to punish someone who is meant to be loved because they are not being perfect enough?
3. Don’t Reward Your Boyfriends Bad Behavior
Don’t undermine the seriousness of your boyfriend’s actions by pushing him to please you in other ways. If you’re punishing him because he has done something wrong, he needs to be punished.
Don’t try to turn it around so that you can get something positive out of it—that is known as rewarding bad behavior. The goal should not be that your boyfriend does better at work just so he can continue his relationship with you.
The goal is that he treats the ones he loves with respect and honor—because love is an exchange of mutual respect and honor, not a one-sided desire to “be in love.”
4. Don’t Use Punishment As A Short Cut To One Set Of Outcomes
It’s very important not to use punishment as a shortcut to getting others to do what you want or need them to do. If your boyfriend is always late, don’t get mad at him until you decide that his dodginess is why you feel annoyed with him.
Don’t use punishment as a way for you to want something from him and yet get rid of all responsibility for any consequence of his actions by saying that he should be punished for it.
If it’s your boyfriend’s job to be on time for work, then you need to have a conversation with him about his job performance and what you could do about it if it doesn’t improve.
5. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend To Get What You Want
You shouldn’t punish your boyfriend because you want him to love and respect you more. That is exactly the same as punishing him in retaliation for things that he has done that hurt or offended you in some way.
You shouldn’t punish your boyfriend because you’re not happy with how things are going in your relationship right now or that he doesn’t do something sweet or romantic enough for you every night. It’s not necessarily that you don’t have the right to be unhappy with your boyfriend in a relationship.
It is that the punishment of your boyfriend will only serve to make you feel resentful and worried that he’s going to leave you if he continues to do what he does.
6. Avoid Trying To Convince Your Boyfriend To Change
Imagine if someone sat down with you and genuinely tried to convince you that there was something wrong with you. Even if they sincerely feel that way, you should distrust them because they are trying to manipulate you into thinking something’s wrong with you, and that’s why you need to change.
And if someone tries to manipulate you in a relationship by telling you that there is something wrong with your current boyfriend or how he treats his loved one, it will make him defensive. Don’t try to convince your boyfriend that there is something wrong with the way he is treating you.
7. Punish Your Boyfriend For Not Being A Man Of His Word
You have to have the courage and strength to say no to your boyfriend when he tells you you are going to do something or go somewhere with him, and then he decides not to. It’s important that you both play fair with each other and follow through with what was agreed upon.
Don’t just punish your boyfriend because he didn’t show up or cancel on you at the last minute. Punish him because he said one thing and did another.
8. Don’t Be A Pushover
You shouldn’t punish your boyfriend for things that he naturally does, such as work too much. Don’t punish him for something that he has to do and you don’t, such as taking out the trash.
Punish your boyfriend for things that are bad behavior, such as not following through on a promise to have dinner with you when he knew about it several days in advance. And remember—punishing your boyfriend is about not allowing yourself or others to be taken advantage of.
Don’t punish your boyfriend through constant nagging and guilt-tripping him because he just wants to enjoy his life without having you constantly telling him what he should and shouldn’t do with it.
9. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Having Feelings Of Anger
It’s okay for your boyfriend to be angry because something didn’t work out the way that they wanted it to. It’s not okay for them to punish you because of that anger.
If you have a problem with something that happened, you need to talk about it so that you can resolve the issue together.
Otherwise, don’t punish your boyfriend for being angry—that’s just an excuse for you to get back at them for everything else that has displeased you about them.
10. Don’t Themselves Become Someone They Don’t Want To Be
Remember, punishing someone isn’t good behavior on your part as well. If you find yourself punishing your boyfriend for being a certain way, and then you begin to treat him that way yourself, you’re becoming someone you don’t want to be, which means the punishment will just become the norm in your relationship.
If punishment leads to a normal feeling of resentment and anger between the two of you, then they don’t deserve the good things in life that they have because they didn’t give it freely to others first.
11. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend Just Because You Think They Should Be Punished
Don’t punish your boyfriend because they hurt you in some way. Don’t punish them just because they’re not exactly how you want them to be.
Don’t punish them simply because some authority figure told you to do so or someone else around you is trying to convince you that he needs to be punished. None of those reasons are good enough to justify using punishment against your partner, lover, and best friend.
12. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Making A Mistake Or Being Wrong
Don’t punish your boyfriend just because they made a mistake or didn’t think of something beforehand, and it took you by surprise. Don’t punish your boyfriend just because they’re wrong.
For example, if he’s running late and you can’t understand why he didn’t think of this earlier in the day, don’t punish him for being late. Talk to him about it instead of punishing him for it.
13. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend By Acting Passive-Aggressive
Don’t punish your boyfriend by stomping around the house in a huff because you’re upset with them or talking to them through gritted teeth because you’re mad at them.
Don’t punish your boyfriend by ignoring them when they try to talk to you about something or punishing them by pushing them away physically when they try to show affection towards you.
Don’t punish your boyfriend by acting passive-aggressive, which means that you act like you’re happy with someone when you know deep down that you’re not.
14. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Trying To Help You
Don’t punish your boyfriend for trying to help you by giving them a hug when they see their friends in the hallway or holding their hand when they try to get something out of your car’s glove compartment.
Don’t punish your boyfriend for trying to help you by cooking a meal for them or buying them some sexy underwear. Don’t punish them because they tried to be nice to you and give it back to them hard in return.
15. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Showing Their Emotions
Don’t punish your boyfriend for being emotional by constantly telling them to “get over it” or “stop whining.” If they’re upset and aren’t trying to do something to purposely hurt you or the two of you somehow, let them be upset.
Your boyfriend’s emotions aren’t a punishment—they are part of who they are. It’s okay for his smile and for him to cry—you don’t need to punish him for that.
16. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Having A Different Interest Or Hobbies
Don’t punish your boyfriend just because he likes sports and you like ballet dancing. Don’t punish your boyfriend just because he likes to draw and you like to read. Don’t punish your boyfriend because they’re not as good of a “boyfriend” as you want them to be—that’s just not fair.
Every person has different interests and hobbies, and it’s okay for his interests and hobbies to be different than yours in certain ways. The key is that he should understand that it’s okay with you, which means that there will always be a place for him in your life no matter what he does with his time.
17. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend For Making You Feel Disrespected
Don’t punish your boyfriend for making you feel disrespected by talking about you behind your back at work, gossiping about him with other people, or treating you like one of the boys.
Don’t punish your boyfriend for making you feel disrespected by constantly around their friends that just want to have a good time and don’t care what they say to anybody.
18. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend Because Of Their Appearance
Don’t punish your boyfriend because they’re overweight or muscular or because they’re too tall or not tall enough. Don’t punish your boyfriend because they’re not fancy or because they’re too fancy.
Don’t punish your boyfriend because they won’t do what you want them to do or because they would if they could.
19. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend Because Of Their Beliefs Or Religion
Don’t punish your boyfriend because of their beliefs or religion by forcing them to go against it if they don’t agree with it, disrespecting them for being religious, hating on them for believing something that you don’t believe in yourself, or even excluding them from things just because of their beliefs.
You can support and care about a boyfriend without forcing him to become something he isn’t just so that you get the things that you want out of a relationship.
20. Don’t Punish Your Boyfriend Because You Feel Like You Can
Don’t punish your boyfriend because you feel like you can. Sometimes, we punish our partners because we’re mad and think that it’ll make us feel better if we do it—well, it’s not going to, so don’t do it.
Don’t punish your boyfriend just because he really hurt you or broke your heart, and now you’re looking for a way to get back at him for letting him walk all over you for so long.
You should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like this, but if this is how your current relationship makes you feel, that’s something to think about.
The Bottom Line
I hope you guys enjoyed this post and learned something new and helpful. As I said at the beginning, this is the very first of many posts that I plan on making.
If you liked this post, please take a moment to share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter—you never know when one of them might be in a relationship that they need help with and need to learn these tips! Thanks for taking time out of your day to read my post. Bye!
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