Is it normal for us when my boyfriend barely talks to me? It’s a sad day when you realize your partner hardly has anything to say to you.
It might be tempting to chalk it up to your insecurities or that they don’t care about you or love you anymore. But the truth is probably more nuanced than that.
Maybe they’re overwhelmed with their own emotions and are feeling emotionally detached from their partner. Maybe they’re embarrassed or intimidated by their own feelings. Or maybe you haven’t prioritized conversation yet.
Whatever the case may be, communication can lead to greater understanding and emotional intimacy, so this article offers some tips for getting way more words out of him/her, including ways for both partners involved to feel like an active participant in conversation rather than sitting quietly on either end of the couch.
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Is It Normal For Couples To Barely Talk?
Not everybody talks a lot, but the vast majority of people do. We have approximately 150,000 words (if you’re from the UK) in our average day’s worth of speech and upwards of 6,000 to 8,000 words per day in formal conversation.
There is a strong correlation between emotional intelligence (EI) and communication skills, so talking more is not the same as being emotionally intelligent.
Many people feel awkward around emotional types because they don’t know how to communicate with them; however, emotional types can feel isolated because they lack social skills and/or verbal intelligence.
Over time verbal-intellectual relationships can become unhealthy for both parties if there is an imbalance of communication skills.
People who are shy, quiet, and/or introverted sometimes have a hard time initiating conversation, especially if the other partner is not empathetic to the different ways people process thoughts and communicate.
But if there is a lack of communication for a long time, it might be a sign that one partner is emotionally discontented or insecure.
Why Does My Boyfriend Barely Talks To Me?
This might be one of the most common questions in long-term and short-term relationships. At first, you might feel hurt or rejected by the lack of communication from your partner. You may feel like they don’t care about what you have to say or that they’re ignoring you.
However, this is a trap that could lead to an emotional breakdown for you both – so watch out! This is especially likely if your partner has expressed their love for you in some way yet still has trouble talking to you.
This is called a “closeted” partner – often, they’re deeply in love but too afraid to admit it. This can leave you feeling jealous and insecure, but one solution is to find ways to express your love for them without having words come out of your mouth, such as through physical gestures or touch (see our article on how to make touch work for you).
If you still don’t have the courage to tell them how you feel, then you should probably not be in a relationship anyway.
How Do I Deal With A Non-Talkative Boyfriend? Best 8 Tips For You
Well, first off, don’t be offended if your boyfriend doesn’t always talk to you. If you’re in a long-term relationship – 5-10 years or more – then communication is going to take some time to build up (in the same way that a new pair of shoes takes some time to “break in”).
However, that doesn’t mean that he’s not enjoying your company or talking to you. It might just be that he’s a naturally quiet or shy guy.
In either case, you’ll have to learn how to deal with it in the best way possible. Here are some tips to help you:
1. Start The Conversation Yourself
Sometimes, couples who don’t talk very much need a push in order to establish some communication. If your partner seems comfortable with your physical affection, then start by showing them that you want to talk as well (in a way that suits you).
Grab their hand and bring them into another room for a “talk” without words and without judgment about this situation.
2. Don’t Push Him/Her To Talk; Just Ask
The key here is not to push your partner to talk. You start by asking him/her what’s up, describing your perspective, and then noticing how he/she responds.
Sometimes it might be best to leave the subject alone rather than push him/her, simply because the other person might not be ready yet to open up their heart so much that they want anyone else involved in the conversation.
When you choose whether or not to reframe the situation in your own head, it will be easier for you both: him/her doesn’t feel pressured into talking, and you can work on getting comfortable with one another without exchanging too much language.
3. Use Daily Routines To Establish A Conversation
You can use your daily routines as an opportunity for a conversation in the same way that you might use them to say something, such as “I hope you have an awesome day, sweetie!” or “I’ll be home late tonight!”.
It’s easy for us to get used to our daily routines and start forgetting about what makes us feel good about ourselves. So if you want your partner to talk more, help him/her feel good about it by making conversation part of your daily routine. And then see what happens!
4. Just Start Talking And See What Happens
Sometimes there’s no clear reason why a partner or a couple doesn’t talk to each other. It’s simply something that happens over time as we get used to being around each other – an unconscious habit that just keeps repeating itself, like washing the dishes after every meal or tuning into your favorite TV show.
This is how relationships become routine. So, break this routine by making conversation work for you both.
5. Don’t Be Afraid Of Being Vulnerable
Partners who don’t communicate with one another intimately are often afraid to be vulnerable. They might be afraid to let their partner know that they love them or feel hurt by something the other person has done.
The truth is that love is a commitment, and there’s no shame in wanting all of your partner’s heart and soul, even if they don’t seem comfortable communicating that yet with you.
When your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you all the time, try to ask yourself, “If I were him/her, what would I want out of a relationship? What would make me feel secure about my place in this relationship?”
If you can work with your boyfriend on how he wants his relationship to be, he’ll be more likely to want it. Show him how much you love him and your willingness to work with him on this.
6. Remember That Communication Is Not Always Words
In order to communicate effectively, you might need to develop some new habits that allow you both to express yourselves in ways other than verbally.
For example, if your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you very often, it could be that he’s afraid of hurting your feelings or of saying the wrong thing. In response, remember – communication is not always words!
Eye contact, physical touch, and affection can say much more than we believe. The same is true for non-verbal responses such as laughter or anger. So don’t worry about communicating every step of the way, no matter how much you love him!
7. Take Your Time
It’s easy to think that everything in life needs to move quickly. But sometimes, things need to happen slowly. If you can relax and allow your relationship time to develop, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it will be for both of you to talk more often (no pressure!).
And be thankful that, even if your boyfriend doesn’t talk with words all that often, he might have a lot of other ways to show you his feelings. Trust your instincts and have faith: things will get better over time!
8. Understand That Sometimes Things Take Time
People and relationships aren’t always going to be perfect, nor should they have to be. Sometimes we need to look at our actions and responses to understand what the other person is feeling or thinking.
Communication in a relationship can be difficult because each partner has their own way of understanding the world, and when they’re together, they may not always see things the same way. This can lead to one partner feeling misunderstood or unappreciated, which can definitely make it harder for that person to share themselves with the other.
Understanding that communication in a relationship isn’t always easy can help you both as you work together to establish new ground rules and create a new relationship dynamic. If you each have your own way of coexisting, then the chances are, your relationship is going to be unique and wonderful in its own unique way.
The Bottom Line
Communication is important in relationships and necessary for a healthy and loving partnership. Choosing to talk more can be challenging. Sometimes we’re afraid to stand up for ourselves or are worried about getting hurt by saying the wrong thing, or we may feel like our partner doesn’t really want us to be involved.
But if you’re willing to work on communicating better, then not only will your relationship improve – so will you!