My girlfriend has anger issues. She falls in and out of love easily, and with seemingly little provocation, she can sometimes overwhelm me with her emotions despite my best efforts to read her expressions.
The relationship is still new, so the fights are few (thankfully), but they can be intense. I’m constantly on edge, wondering what comment or action will send me over the edge and have us break up forever.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get that back…
I’m not sure how to approach this topic with my girlfriend, but I can’t allow her anger issues to continue affecting the quality of our relationship. I’ve wanted a girlfriend for so long; I just don’t see a way out of this. I don’t know if my love will be enough to save us.
Why Does My Gf Get Angry So Easily?
An easy question to ask but not so easy to answer. Anger is a complicated emotion. It’s a whole body response to stressful situations. Anger can be situational or habitual, depending on the source of the anger.
There are some causes of anger that we simply can’t control, like physical pain and fatigue. When people are tired or injured, they tend to get angry easier because they’re already stressed about being tired and/or hurt.
There are some causes of anger we can control, like our words, actions, and thoughts. It’s easy to get angry at other people when they’ve upset us; it’s much harder to calm down once we’re already angry.
What Are The Signs Of An Anger Problem?
Your girlfriend has or may have anger issues if she exhibits these symptoms:
- She gets angry over small matters easily.
- She often becomes physically violent toward you and others.
- She makes excuses for her behavior (e.g., “My boss made me do it”).
- She feels that she is mistreated by most people she knows (e.g., friends, family).
My Girlfriend Has Anger Issues: 7 Ways To Handle Your Short-Tempered Girlfriend
Include The Following Elements In Your Relationship:
1. Love, Not Anger
Love is the glue that holds any relationship together. Without love, it just won’t last. Everything else is secondary to love. Anger only comes from other emotions like jealousy and insecurity, so you want to make sure those emotions don’t get in the way of the love you share with your girlfriend.
• Don’t talk about your insecurities or jealousies with her (e.g., “I saw you flirting with him” or “Why were you talking to her?”). An angry response will only make things worse; it will only feed her anger.
• Avoid arguing about what upsets you; try to let go of your jealousy and insecurities for the duration of your relationship.
2. Listen To Her
The best way to get an angry person to calm down is to listen to them without judgment. If you can listen without interrupting, she’ll start to relax and open up, even if she doesn’t admit that she’s the one who is wrong.
• Keep your comments focused on her and her emotions; don’t accuse her or try to talk about what was bothering you.
• Don’t give unsolicited advice (e.g., “You should…” or “After what he did, you shouldn’t…”). Instead of taking your advice, she’ll get angrier because now you’re saying she can’t solve her own problems.
3. Set Boundaries
A person who is losing control of her anger will do more than shout at you. She may throw things, slam doors, and/or hit you out of frustration.
Not only is this unhealthy for a relationship, but it’s also illegal. If you can’t get her to stop, talk with a lawyer about breaking up with her so that you have some legal recourse if she becomes violent toward you.
• Calmly tell her that hitting is not OK and explain why (e.g., “I’m not your punching bag”). Then leave the room and/or the house until she has calmed down (and apologized).
4. Have A Plan
Having a plan is the best way to avoid being caught off guard by her sudden anger. It’s not easy to stay calm while someone is screaming in your face (regardless of whether she’s screaming at you or at someone else), and it’s even harder once she starts throwing things and/or hitting you.
• You don’t have to stand there staring at her when she gets angry; try walking away from her like you’re leaving the room. If she follows you, calmly remind her that hitting is not OK and walk out of the house again.
• Prepare yourself for her anger by saying your goodbyes beforehand so that you don’t feel emotionally trapped during the argument.
5. Avoid Arguments
Making arguments with your girlfriend not only increases the risk of violence they also never get you anywhere. She’ll still be angry, and you’ll still have to go home and deal with your anger.
• In addition, she’ll automatically have more time to build up her anger over the course of your relationship.
6. Live Nearby
If you live in a big city, consider moving away from where she lives (or possibly move in with her). If you don’t want to go that far, just make sure that she doesn’t always come to visit you; don’t give her the chance to become violent toward you.
• It’s exhausting to go from arguing with her to seeing you.
7. Go To Counseling
If all else fails, consider going to counseling with her. It’s not easy for you to confront each other about your anger, but it does work in the long run if both of you are willing to change your relationship.
Can Anger Ruin A Relationship?
It can definitely ruin any relationship if you let it. If at first, you don’t succeed, try and try again. There’s no one who won’t get angry when they’re seriously injured or in pain. You can only control your reactions, so try your best to stay calm and patient with her.
Can A Person With Anger Issues Change?
Yes, but it can take time and effort. You have to be patient with her while she works through her anger issues. It’s like you’re giving her a life-saving injection; calming her down is a more difficult task than calming down someone who has just suffered an injury. You can’t give up on the relationship right away.
The Bottom Line
Anger management can be a lot more complicated than it first seems. If you’re going through a relationship filled with anger, it’s important to pay attention to the signs of an anger problem and the causes of her anger. It doesn’t help if the person you love gets angry because you’re always getting angry at them too.
Always remember that the best way to control your anger is to avoid taking it out on others, communicate about it instead of ignoring your problems, and calm down as quickly as possible whenever you’re angry.
Work with your girlfriend to create the right environment for you both, and ensure your relationship remains peaceful.