If you’re reading this article about why am I so mean to my boyfriend, and you find yourself snarling from frustration, feeling like you’re the meanest person on Earth for turning on the nearest person to verbally tear them apart for no reason at all, stop.
If you are the type of girlfriend who likes to tear into her boyfriend for no reason verbally, you’re not alone.
I’ve talked with many girlfriends who have admitted that they can be cruel, mean, and completely unsupportive to the ones they claim to love.
What’s scary is that many of these women genuinely believe something is wrong with them, that there’s something “abnormal” about their relationship with their boyfriend because they are constantly screaming at them and tearing them down.
This is not a healthy relationship. It’s one-sided, insecure, and leaves your man vulnerable as he would never treat his woman like this.
Why Am I So Mean To My Boyfriend?
We are going to go through reasons why this can happen and then give some tips on how to stop being so mean.
1) You’re Not Happy
You have recently started talking to your boyfriend, and you haven’t been happy with him. You’re not sure why, but something’s not right.
You’ve followed him off on a date with another girl because of how he was acting, and you’re feeling really upset about it.
2) You’re Pissed About Things That Happen In Your Past
If you had a bad experience in the past that affected how you are now, it could make it difficult for you to deal with what’s happening right now.
3) You Think He’s Immoral
If your boyfriend has done something on which you want to get angry, then think about whether or not he was being immoral at the time.
What you’re feeling is one thing, but if he wasn’t immoral, then you might be overreacting.
4) You Think He’s Unfaithful
Maybe you got so angry with him because of something that he did, and now you’re getting angrier with him without finding out why he did it.
If an apology has been offered, think about whether it’s enough before getting upset again.
5) You’ve Got A Short Fuse
Maybe anger comes out of your mouth too quickly, affecting how you get along with your boyfriend.
6) You’re Overly Sensitive
If you tend to get easily offended at things that others say, then it’s possible that you are being overly sensitive.
Those who react differently to things that other people say could be called ‘hyper-sensitive’ and need a lot of time and effort to understand what they have done wrong to change and improve.
7) You’re Angry About Something, And You Don’t Know What It’s About
If you feel that you’re feeling upset but don’t know why then it might be because of something that has happened to you in the past. Our bodies keep all of our memories, both good and bad.
8) You Think Your Boyfriend Is Lying To You
When you get angry with your boyfriend, it could be because he hasn’t told the truth. When someone lies to you, it might make them feel better, but it can leave you feeling angry and hurt.
9) You Think He’s Posturing
Posturing is when someone is putting on an act to try and impress you or someone else. If he’s trying to impress you by saying that he’s done something that he hasn’t really done, then it might make you angry.
10) You’re Upset About The Way That He Treats Others
If your boyfriend treats other people badly, you will get upset about it, which could push you into being mean to him.
How Do I Stop Being Mean To My Boyfriend?
When someone gets upset about something, they have a meltdown, and they get so angry that they can’t properly communicate what they’re feeling.
If you’re getting angry about something and you know that it’s a knee-jerk reaction, then it can start affecting your relationship.
Take a step back and think about what’s happening to you and why you’re getting so angry.
That way, you’ll be able to avoid some of the mistakes that others make when they react in this way by thinking things through carefully. So, how to stop being mean to your boyfriend:
1. See What Happens If You Get Angry
If you’re getting angry at your boyfriend for absolutely no reason and can’t think of a specific reason, then try seeing what happens if you get angry at him.
If you see that the relationship is suffering because of this, then you will have learned that you should stop being mean to your boyfriend when this happens.
2. Stop And Think About Why You’re Getting So Angry
Stop and think about why you are getting so angry with your boyfriend when he hasn’t done anything wrong.
When I say ‘think,’ I don’t mean rush back into the argument as soon as he finishes talking because this is a knee-jerk reaction and will only make things worse.
When you have time to think about what you are saying, it will be possible to remember that he hasn’t done anything wrong.
3. Try To Find A Way To Stop Getting So Angry
It can be hard to stay calm when the person that you’re with is getting angry at you. If they become angry when you’re in a certain position, then move away from that position or change it.
If they’re making a lot of noise and shouting at the same time, then it might be because they want attention, and they’re trying to make themselves feel better by feeling like they have power over you.
4. Avoid Arguments
Most arguments start when we want to get our own way, and they can be hard to stop once they start. There’s a chance that you might both believe that you’re right, and you can spend hours or even days arguing with the other person.
This isn’t any use because it ends up making you both feel bad about each other, so try to avoid arguments if possible.
If there is something that’s been bothering you for a long time, then it might help to talk to someone else about it instead of trying to talk about it with your partner.
5. Talk In A Calm And Controlled Way
If you get angry, then it’s important to control your voice and what you’re saying. Try not to scream, shout or swear at the other person because this is a really bad way of communicating.
Don’t say things like ‘You always do this to me because it makes the other person feel like they’re being attacked. Instead, try saying things like ‘I feel annoyed when you do this or even just ‘When you do that…’
6. Take It Slow
When someone is getting angry at the other person, they can easily just react immediately without thinking about what they are doing or saying.
If you want to stop being mean to your boyfriend, then you need to take it slow and think about what you’re saying before you say it.
7. Be Willing To Change
When someone is getting angry at their partner, they usually get a little bit upset because they don’t like how their partner is behaving.
If you can be willing to change the way that your boyfriend behaves, then you’ll both be happy together.
8. Know When He’s Cheating On You
If he’s cheating on you and he’s just not telling the truth, then this could make him seem like he’s lying to you when really he isn’t.
If there’s something that you feel he should be telling you, then give him a chance to talk about it first.
9. See If He Holds Any Bad Memories
If your boyfriend is holding on to bad memories from the past, then it might make him react angrily in the present.
Try to work out if there’s anything that he doesn’t like about you that reminds him of other people he knows or things that have happened to him in the past.
10. Don’t Overreact
When someone is saying or doing something that you don’t like, then it can be tempting to react immediately and become angry. When this happens, you will be like a child throwing a tantrum.
If you do this, then think about what’s going through your partner’s mind so that you can avoid causing any more anger.
Try not to say things like ‘You’re always doing this because this doesn’t solve anything and only makes them angry at you for saying it.
11. Don’t Ask Him To Change
If your boyfriend does something that bothers you and tells you he won’t change his behavior, it’s understandable if you want to get rid of that person.
In the end, you have to decide if this is something that you can live with because your boyfriend isn’t going to change his behavior unless you force him to.
12. Think About Your Reactions To Everything
If you find that you’re being mean to your partner in some situations, then it might be worth thinking about whether he’s been mean to you in the past.
If you can note times when he has been mean, then it will be easier for you to understand how he feels and why he keeps reacting this way.
13. Understand Why You’re Thinking The Way You Are
Sometimes, people get angry for the wrong reasons because they don’t understand why their partner is treating them the way that they are.
If you don’t understand what he’s trying to do, then you’ll have to accept it and see if you can go a step further and understand why he thinks the way he does.
If you can accept his behavior and see why he thinks that way, it will be easier for him to accept it too, because he won’t confuse his own thoughts with yours.
14. Don’t Let It Go On
If you’re trying to stop being mean to your boyfriend, then you might find that it keeps coming back. This is because the moment that another argument begins, you’ll get angry and start arguing again.
Try thinking about what you are saying before responding negatively. If there’s something he’s done, try finding out why he did it first before doing anything else.
15. Stand Up For Yourself
When your partner is being mean to you, it can be tempting to just stand there and take it because they might not get angry with you quite so much if they don’t think you’re standing up for yourself.
Try standing up for yourself by not standing there and taking it. If you give him a chance to treat you badly, then he’ll take it.
16. Be Positive And Clear
If you have been saying something for a long time, then it’s worth thinking about whether there are other ways that you can say what you want to say.
If you’re negative and unclear, he might not understand what you want him to do and might respond in an angry way to try and get his point across.
17. Don’t Take It Personally
If you’re trying to stop being mean to your partner, then it might be worth thinking about whether you’re just taking everything personally.
If there’s something that he says or does, then try seeing if there’s more to his reaction than just a personal attack against you.
18. Don’t Use ‘You.’
If you want to stop being mean, then try speaking more directly and avoiding words like ‘you’. These words make the other person feel like they’re in a personal attack rather than an argument about something that’s important.
19. Understand What He Is Going Through
When you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about what he’s going through in his own head.
If you can see why he thinks the way he does, it will be easier for you to explain that he is doing something wrong.
20. Remind Him Of The Relationship
When you’re trying to stop being mean, then reminding your partner of the relationship can be a good way of stopping the arguments from getting out of hand.
If there’s something that he’s done that bothers you, then try telling him what’s important about your relationship and how these things are making it hard for him to follow through with his duties as a boyfriend.
21. Go On A Date
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then going on a date can be a good way to make things better in the relationship because you won’t have any problems getting on well together.
22. Give Him Space
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether your partner needs to have space from you.
If so, then give him as much space as he needs until he feels that he needs only a little from you and can handle having less from you.
23. Get Some Exercise
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether there’s anything that your partner could do to help him.
If there is, then this will help him in a lot of ways as exercise is good for everyone and can help you become more confident.
24. Go Outside For A Walk
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether your partner wants to spend time outside with you.
If he wants this and if the weather is good enough for both of you, then try going for a walk outside together and talking about important things to both of you.
25. Stop Arguing In Public
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether you’re arguing in public.
If you are, then this can make the argument worse because there are other people around who aren’t directly involved in the argument and are only getting upset because you’re arguing in front of them.
26. Pay Attention And Listen
If you haven’t been listening to your partner when he’s talking to you, then it might be worth thinking about how important this is to him.
If he feels like he is being listened to and like he has been heard, then it will be easier for him to understand why he’s doing something wrong when it comes up again.
27. Be Upfront
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether you’re Upfront with your partner or if you’re just avoiding the issue.
If you avoid it and don’t want to be Upfront about what’s wrong, this will just give him a chance to be mean back to you when he thinks it is right for him to do so.
28. Apologize When You Make A Mistake
If there is something that your partner might think is important, then you need to apologize when you make a mistake.
This way, he’ll know that you’re trying your best and will think more highly of both yourself and him.
29. Control Your Emotions
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether you’re letting your emotions get the better of you.
If this is the case, then it can be difficult for you to think straight and say what you want to say in a way that is appropriate for the situation that you’re both in.
30. Don’t Get Aggressive
If you’re trying to stop being mean, then it might be worth thinking about whether there’s a difference between arguing and getting aggressively defensive.
If there is, then try not getting aggressive with your partner because this will make him upset, and he won’t like dealing with an aggressive person.
The Bottom Line
If you’re trying to stop being mean, try some of the ideas suggested here, do your best to stay calm, and be patient with your partner. Remember that he will get used to you being more friendly, kind, and pleasant towards him if you don’t give up and try a few times again.
If the problem is that he does things that you don’t like or that are wrong somehow, then it might be worth thinking about whether these things bother him enough for him to act out of his anger by doing things to make your life difficult.