For many, it can be difficult to understand why do guys like to be in control in a relationship. But, the reality is that some men feel more masculine when they are dominant.
They believe their partner will respect them more and provide emotional support if they maintain power in the relationship. For others, it is a form of companionship, a way to feel needed and hear all the good stuff.
This article will help you understand why guys want to be in control in their relationships along with the top 10 reasons why they want to do so.
Table of Contents
10 Reasons Why Do Guys Like To Be In Control In A Relationship
1. Control Is The Key To A Secure Life
Men feel more comfortable when they are in control because they know their problems will be solved with authority and power. They feel more confident, secure, and stronger when they have full control of their lives.
They feel more powerful, and this makes them feel better about themselves. To them, control means being a better man.
2. Express Their Need To Be Seen As A Leader
Many men need to be seen as the leader of the relationship. They want their partner to know that they are in charge and that their decisions are final in whatever they do together.
Men who like being in control believe women should follow the instructions of their male partners to have successful lives with them. This is why they use power and jealousy to keep women obedient and faithful to whatever rules they set in place.
3. Control The Relationship To Get Their Needs Met
Some men use control to meet their personal and emotional needs. They feel they are never good enough and have poor self-esteem. They feel that once they have control, women will be more likely to provide them with the love and respect they need.
Whether through fear, guilt, intimidation or being harsh, critical and mean, these men will do whatever it takes to meet their needs.
4. Enjoy Creating Drama
These men usually throw tantrums or make high demands just so they can be in charge of stirring up some drama in the relationship.
They like scenes because they make them feel powerful; if only for a short time. In fact, they may even believe drama is the spice of life. They have a need to be in control of everything and everyone around them, including their relationship.
5. It’s Part Of Their Personality
Some men are born personalities who like to be in charge of everything they do and around them. They need to be the ones who tell their partner what to do and how to do it.
They love being in charge, which makes them feel good about themselves. And if there is a woman who can make them feel this way, they will not let her go anytime soon.
6. They Love The Power And Control They Have Over Their Lives
Men who like being in control have a need to make the decision-makers of their lives. They like to establish and maintain power over everything they do.
This feeling gives them satisfaction and fills their needs for security and self-esteem; they don’t think anything else in life will provide this for them.
7. Let Them Have A Cushion In Life
Many men use control to let women know that their lives are cushioned for them. It signals women that they aren’t expected to do or be anything unless it is what the man wants them to do or be. These men don’t want women to be partners; they want them to be cushion mates in life.
8. Control As A Trust-Gauge
When men are the ones who like to be in control of the relationship, it is often because they need a way to gauge their partner’s trustworthiness. They feel more comfortable when their partners accept that they have subjection without question.
To these men, if a woman doesn’t allow them to do things for her, she is untrustworthy and therefore not valuable enough for a commitment.
9. Control Is A Form Of Attraction
Men who like being in control of their relationships enjoy the feeling of power they get when they are able to walk all over their partners. It’s what gets them excited and turned on in a relationship.
They believe this is how they can show women that they have strength and power – meaning, he is masculine.
10. Control As A Way To Get Close In The Relationship
Many men feel threatened by genuine closeness in a relationship. They are afraid that if their partner really knows them, she will leave them for someone else. So, they use control to get close to their partners in the relationship.
They want to be involved with them but, at the same time, don’t want to share themselves completely with them. In the end, it is about keeping their partners from leaving them for someone else or trying to find someone better; it is fear.
2 Ways Why To Cope With A Controlling Partner
1. Allow Your Partner To Be Themselves
For some men, controlling everything in a relationship comes naturally. Some of these men may feel insecure and need constant reassurance that they are doing things right in life and that their partner will remain faithful and committed to them. So, by being in control of the relationship, these men get what they need in order to feel more secure.
2. Stand Up For Yourself
If controlling the relationship is a primary way for men to cope with their feelings of insecurity, it means that they need your support and reassurance.
If you allow them to be in charge of the relationship, you are essentially letting him off the hook from needing to feel secure as he does with insecurity. You do this by standing up for yourself and your needs, no matter what your reaction is when you do so.
The more you stand up for yourself, the more he will see her value. And finally, he will realize that he needs her most, not the other way around.
3 Ways To Avoid The Control Trap In A Relationship
1. Don’t Engage With Him
If a man wants to control you, staying out of his way is the best way to avoid being controlled by him. Once he realizes this, it’s time to cut ties with him immediately.
2. Set Rules For Your Relationship
Although this can be a touchy subject in some relationships, setting rules can help you feel less vulnerable in a relationship. It may not prevent him from being controlling, but it certainly keeps him in check.
3. Have Your Own Close Friends
Especially if your partner doesn’t have any friends of his own – and that is very true in control relationships – it’s important to have your good friends in your life all the time. This will keep you out of his orbit and protect you from his attempts to control you.
4 Things A Woman Can Do To Help Her Relationship Become More Happy And Loving
1. Speak Up
When a man is controlling and needy, a woman needs to speak up from the very beginning of the relationship. This can be very difficult to do as long as there hasn’t been any overt physical or verbal abuse. But if this is what you are dealing with, then speak up about it now.
Let him know that he needs to stop now and that you are not going to put up with such behavior in your relationship.
2. Work On Your Communication Skills
If your relationship is a control one, you may need to take the initiative and speak up more often. It might be helpful to listen more closely to what he says and then state your opinion or feelings about what he is saying.
He may become defensive at first, but this is normal. You should not allow his aggression toward you to get in the way of speaking up for yourself.
3. Acknowledge His Love And Value For You
When a man feels secure enough about himself, he will do anything for his love interest. And if she is a wonderful woman, he will still do it.
But if you are the one being needy and controlling, he will most likely keep on trying to please you because he feels that doing so is in his best interest as a man. He may even completely lose sight of what loving someone really means to him.
4. Guard Your Intruder
A man who is controlling and needy likes to be on top of everything around him and his life, especially in his relationship with his partner. He likes to know that no one else would dare hurt you or have anything come between him and what he wants from life.
He will become extremely jealous, especially if he thinks that you are involved in an ongoing relationship with someone else.
Does Control Mean Love?
Controlling means being in control of your emotions, and some people who love you too much also want to be in control of other people’s decisions.
Loving to control must come with a lot of self-control because it is easy to become bossy, controlling, and overbearing. A relationship marked by overindulgence can easily turn into one marked by jealousy, anger, and insecurity.
When you love someone who is constantly trying to control you, it could mean you are falling victim to his manipulative behaviors. He might be trying to control your emotions and keep you close.
Is Controlling Good In A Relationship?
No. If you are trying to control other people, it is not good to love them. It also means that you are being selfish because you only care about yourself. You are not building a stable relationship with them but with your own need for control instead.
How To Stop A Person Who Constantly Being Controlling?
The most important thing that a person who is constantly controlling is doing is trying to manipulate their partner into thinking that blindly obeying their every demand will lead to their happiness.
The truth is always the opposite of what they want others to believe, so if this person loves you, it will make them unhappy when they realize how manipulative and controlling they have been.
You need to look for ways to stop them from controlling you. You can begin by telling your partner to stop talking about your relationship in an intimidating and threatening way.
Break the chain of control that they have on you so they would be more open and honest with you. Tell them to respect your rights as a person and never try to manipulate you into doing things that are against what you really want in life.
This will build trust in a relationship and make it easier for both of you when it comes to helping others who are trying their best to be independent people who are responsible for their own decisions in life.
The Bottom Line
The person who controls others only does so because he does not value himself and tries to feel important by acting like a manipulator. When you love someone controlling you, it could mean you are giving him the power to control your life.
You need to stand up for yourself if you want to avoid being controlled by someone else and do what makes you happy in life.